Hello friends. I thought I would give you a brief ‘This is my Life’ update. I apologise for lack of posts, but I was doing other things like sleeping when I should be awake and being awake when I should be sleeping. You know, the usual.
Today I went on the vast journey I take occasionally back to the homeland of Northern Ireland. I have taken this journey many a time (see here for a detailed description) and every time it always delivers. Me. To Northern Ireland. And also in the satisfactory, what-on-earth-is-happening way as well, that’s also what I was going for. I thought I would share with you a few things that occurred on today’s journey:
The Bus Driver’s Jokes
On this journey, I have to make my way from Stirling to Glasgow by bus. I could take the train, but nope, not me. I do things differently to all the train lot, I bus it. Cause those wheels on the bus go round and round. All. Day. Long. When waiting in line for the bus, I noticed that the demographic for the CityLink bus from Stirling to Glasgow is primarily rough Glaswegian women in their 60’s, reading The Scottish Sun and Woman’s Own. When we arrived into Glasgow, the bus driver tuned on the microphone and began to give the airplane pilot’s speech of “We’re now approaching Glasgow, the local weather isn’t too bad today, thank you for travelling with us today and have a safe and pleasant onward journey.” but it is said in an incredibly thick Scottish accent so through a few ‘ayes’ and ‘dinnae’s’ into it. He also told us that we were too early getting into Glasgow so what should he do in that event that he’s arriving too early? Maybe just get their early anyway? Hang around outside? Drive slowly? Tell jokes? Yes, that one. He decided to tell us some jokes. And this was the joke he told over the grainy intercom of the CityLink M8 coach:
“An English man, a Scottish man and an Irish man were all going to America to the Olympics, but they did not have tickets, so they weren’t let it. So, the English man picked up a pole and went to the guard and said ‘Smith. England. Pole Vaulting.’ And the let him in. The Scottish man went and picked up a manhole cover and went to the guard and said ‘MacDonald. Scotland. Discus.’ And they let him in. The Irish man went and got some chicken wire and went to the guard and said ‘Murphy. Ireland. Fencing.’ And they didn’t let him in.”
AND THEN THE BUS APPLAUDED.
I was not part of the applause.
Mr Driver went on to tell two more jokes about our hero (?), good ole Irish Murphy! I did not listen to them as I was still trying to understand the applause of the first one. The second jokes was something about Murphy was carrying a fish under his arm and then something something something and then he said “There’s a train coming!”. And the third one was Murphy something something something I can’t remember something about his wife? I don’t know. But that bus filled with the Glaswegian women loved it. They really did.
The Camels
There isn’t too much of a story to this one, but when I was on the second bus from Glasgow to Cairnryan, at one point I saw two camels standing in a field. I felt bad too, since they looked sad and it was frosty outside and they really should be in the desert instead of in Girvan. Which is where these camels had found their lives to lead them. To a field in Girvan. Poor camels.
After Earth
On the boat, they usually show films in this little cinema part they have. Before I have watched half of The Pirates! Band of Misfits and half of Men in Black 3. Today, I decided I’d actually watch the whole film. I like films! I’m doing an entire degree in films! Even in the English part, I have to study Pirates of the Caribbean! (And yes, I am aware of the extreme slacker-ness of this degree. What’s that? You study medicine? Have fun saving lives! You study business? Why, hello Mr CEO! You study law? Then order in the court, big shot! Oh, you study… film and media? Really? Are you gonna be a director or something? You’re not? Oh. Okay then. I see how it is. Have fun working in Pizza Hut for the rest of your life.)
The film they were showing today was the modern classic After Earth starring Will and Jaden Smith, directed by M. Night Shyamalan, who is the Kubrick of our time, if Kubrick made disappointing, weird and boring films. Which he might have, depending on who you speak to. On the boat going the other way, they were showing Pacific Rim, which is a film I actually do want to see, but nope, not today! Today I’m going to watch father-son angst amid such wooden acting that I was wondering if the forest could get an acting credit. (HEYOO. There’s my film and media degree right there.) The plot of After Earth is that once upon a time a series of news footage of fires and floods happened and everyone had to abandon Earth and live on a far away land of green screen lives the human race and they have to fight aliens who can smell fear, even though those aliens were actually on that planet first and I don’t get why they couldn’t have just been like “That’s cool guys, we’ll go somewhere else. There’s literally an entire universe out there.”, but I guess it’s a metaphor for colonisation and destruction of culture, but I don’t know why I’m focusing on that, since that part of the plot line took up five minutes of screen time. Will Smith can’t feel fear, which causes him to look frustrated and completive at the same time in poses of angry thinking when action was happening. Will and Jaden crash on a planet that’s dangerous and oh wait it’s earth. And Jaden has to go out and get something and he’s scared and Will has to guide him because he broke his legs and stuff and then I got really bored and left and went on my laptop since there was free wifi. So that was my experience with After Earth.
Extra: The Wall of my Room
So I came home to find that my room has now decreased in size by 4 inches since they (and by ‘they’ I mean the upper powers. The powers that be.) moved my wall in about 4 inches. I don’t know why. I’m sure I’ll be told at some point. Oh well.
And now I am home and I’ll be here for two days before leaving again and doing the whole journey again. Why did I go on such a long journey to be home for such a short period of time? Because I wanted to. And also Doctor Who Special is on, and I’m watching that with my dad. And also an early Thanksgiving dinner is being had. And also I wanted to see my cat. I think it was probably mainly to do with my cat.
(I know there isn’t photos and stuff to go with this, but I’m writing this at 1.50am and I can’t be bothered to start putting together pictures. Just make up the images in your mind! You can do it! I believe in you!
Kat McLightning 